Christmas Has Come To Our Home

We went and saw Santa last night. June was a little less than thrilled with him. We are going to try again later this week after visiting him a few times. We bought our tree and decorations today and it is all set up. Community Tissue Services sent us two heart ornaments and you can see them on the tree. We are going to get a few more special ornaments here and there before Christmas. We bought one of Junes presents today and are getting the other one tomorrow. I still need to wrap them though. I need to buy her stocking stuffing still.

We Buried Casey Today

At 1:30pm we laid her down to rest in her final spot. I realize the her soul is in heaven and it was just her physical being but it was so hard to handle today. I had to make sure she was okay in her coffin after the ride up so I knew she was perfect. Then the people placing her in the ground moved the casket weird and I had to check again before they finally placed her in the ground. I feel as though I am slightly going crazy. It was just really hard realizing that She would have been three weeks old today but instead we buried her.

Casey's Letter From Me

This is the letter I wrote to Casey and read at her funeral. It isn't word for word what I actually spoke but mostly. Please keep in mind that this letter was meant to be read aloud so it isn't formatted.


Dearest Casey,

I want you to know how much agony is inside my heart and will be there for evermore because it will never know who you were past a mere three days of life. You have done more in your life time then most could do with two. You have given life to others, caused many to come together and rejoice as well as do things in your name and most of all you have received love from me. I wish I could say I had known someone like you before but you are the first and most likely the last. You are a magnificent soul that was never allowed to speak. If you had, what would you have said to the world? What would you sound like? Would it have been profound? Or would you have been a jokester like your big sister Juniper? What games would you have played? What shoe type would you obsess over? What shape would you draw over and over again, circle or square? Would you go to bed early or stay up late? I want to know the answers. I NEED to know the answers, why. Just why? This pregnancy was not expected or accepted kindly at first; in fact I was terrified and angry. Neither your Dad nor I knew what to do. As the weeks progressed on and I got to know you more as you began to grow inside me the more excited I became to know you out here in the world. I only knew you and your ways inside me and then you began to move so strong and stubbornly. You let me and anyone who touched my stomach that you needed your space and that my body was yours. I finally knew what it meant to enjoy a pregnancy. You refused to come before you were ready no matter what your Dad and I tried labor would not come. When labor began we were so anxious to meet this person that had grown inside of me; then it became too much for me to handle on my own and we went to the hospital. You spent your only three days at the hospital and most of the first two not being held and I am so sorry for that. The last 17 hours of your life you were surrounded in love and received cuddles from your father and I and those precious moments with you will always be in my heart which is so swollen with love for you I can barely concentrate on life which is where the agony comes in. Casey I love you.

-Mom

Home From The Funeral

It was okay. A lot easier than I thought, though it was horribly hard don't get me wrong. THANKS TO ALL OF YOU THAT SENT FLOWERS!!! That meant a lot. Thank god for Colleen she came over today and asked what I was wearing to the funeral and I told her maternity clothes. She told me no and took me over to Target and bought me an outfit. I was so sad and worried to have wear the clothes that I carried her in to the funeral. Everything worked out. I read my letter even though June came up and said hello in the mic in the middle of it which if she hadn't I am not sure I could have finished. We sang Amazing Grace and we were supposed to sing sweet chariot but I seemed to only be able to sing the tune of Amazing Grace and so we sang that again. So we are home and tomorrow we are burying her next to my grandma.

Thanks to all the support and prayers from everyone up till now we really appreciate it. I know that we will never be done grieving but it is nice to know you all are here.

I Wrote My Letter To Casey For The Funeral

I had been debating on whether I would I write a letter to Casey for the funeral and then tonight well last night I was unable to go to bed. As I set up awake and thinking I decided to write and just see what comes. Well I wrote and cried and wrote some more. I am happy and yet devastated with what I have written. I will post the letter after the funeral here.

Casey Hope Roth's Funeral

Casey's funeral will be held at Musgrove's in Eugene on Wednesday December 10th, 2008 at 5:30pm. There is an optional viewing time from 5:00-5:30pm in which friends and family can view Casey with out any tubes or wires attached, Jon, June and I have seen her and she looks perfect. Her casket will be closed for the entirety of the funeral.

If you would like to come and need directions please contact us and we will let you know the exact address.

Hugs and Love,

Brandy

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Photo's

We got them yesterday and they are wonderful. They are very sad, beautiful and honest. I am so glad we got them before the funeral. I am so grateful for their services. Here is there website which explains what they do and how truly special their organization is; NILMDS

I would also like to say that most of the pictures we have posted both on myspace.com and facebook.com were taken by Shawna who is a great photographer and is who also did our maternity shoot and whom I am very proud to call a friend. Her website is;

myspace.com/shawnablankenship and I would reccomend her services to anyone in Lane County.