New Years Eve Plans

I am so excited about tonight. I am going over to Shawna's house for dinner and wine. The kids will play and have fun! I hope all your New Years plans go off with out a hitch!

Here's to 2009 being a MUCH MUCH better year!

I Am Now Protected For 10 Years

I got the Paragard IUD today from the OB. It protects against pregnancy for 10 years. It was quite an experience.

My New Years Commitment

I never follow through with any resolutions I make so this year I am making myself commitments. I am committing to myself this year. I would like to learn how to adequately skate so I can participate with June. We went skating again this Sunday even though Juniper was with Novena(Jon's mom) overnight. We are going to go every Sunday as a family for a fun activity. I by the way suck at skating and that is why I hope to improve it! I would also like to start sewing stuff again.


So I am committing to these items and I am quite excited!

Christmas At Mimi's House

We drove up to my mother-in-law's house and had Christmas up there. It was really nice and I got possibly the sweetest card from my brother-in-law ever, it was really touching and I think that trumped all other presents I received this year. June got some really neat homemade items from grandma or Mimi as she is called. Novena made Juniper another skirt and a pair of leg warmers both of which came with a matching set for her dolls. SO CUTE! June also got a tutu that she made along with a book and some diapers for dolls! She had everything on all at once and I know these will be worth something when she 16 and dating!

Christmas Morning

What a fun morning it was! We woke up and all three of us put on our pajamas special for Christmas. We came out sat down and June got to get all her stocking stuffers and then we opened up gifts. She had a blast opening her gifts. We then had a nice ham and egg breakfast and played with all of Juniper's new toys. We declared a TV free morning! It was really fun to play and dance with Jon and June all day! I was an unexpectedly happy and great Christmas! June said she wanted to sleep in her bed since she was playing in it. She slept in her bed until 8am when she back into bed with us

Sign the petition!

My Mom Brought Over Her Presents Today!

My Mom and Tracy brought Juniper's gifts over and she opened them up. She got a matching set of princess towels, rags, a plate and pajamas. She also got a poodle purse and a set of mega blocks. Juniper absolutely adores her blocks. She played almost for an hour by herself with their blocks. My mom also brought a stocking and some other stuff for tomorrow.

Happy December 23rd!

Today was nice but hard all the same. The morning was nice and June and I went to Story Time at the Eugene Library with our friend Shawna and her kids. That was a blast and I think that we will be continuing with it. :D Then Jon got off work and Colleen brought by cookies and wished us a Merry Christmas. We drove up to Brownsville and went to see Casey. That was really hard having to leave her there even though we obviously can't bring her home with us it is just I guess I wish it hadn't happened you know? Then we drove on over to my Grandpa's house. We hung out and talked while we ate dinner. Then we told them about continuing the 23rd present tradition and gave June her little present. It was quite fun and I can't wait till Christmas morning. Turns out though she enjoyed some "big bubble" bubble wrap and we got it on video! We stayed until almost 9 pm and Juniper was out before we has left Brownsville. It was a good day.

Tomorrow Will Be Bittersweet!

Tomorrow 12/23 will be interestingly bittersweet. As you know my grandma passed away in July and now Casey passed. They are buried right next to each other. Tomorrow is my Grandparents anniversary and my grandfathers first with out her. When I was little I was always at their house for Christmas and was too young to understand why they got gifts and I didn't so it became a tradition that continued until I was 16 in which I got one present on the 23rd. So we are continuing this tradition with Juniper and we haven't told my Grandpa yet about it but I know he will be happy about it. We are also going to visit Casey at her graveside. So tomorrow will be full of mixed emotions.

So We Went Skating!

We went over to our friend Jenell's house for dinner and then her and two nephews and us went to Skateworld to skate! It was really fun, I still suck but that is okay! June took a little bit to get the hang of it but after about an hour June was practically ready to skate on her own! We are going to do this more often!

The Holiday Market Adventure!

Today we went to the Holiday Market and it is the second to last day of the year. Jon's mom has a booth so we stopped by and said hello. We wandered and found some dairy-free chocolate for Junipers' stocking and we sampled it, it was yummy! June also got a butterfly arm painting done. She held very still and was watching the lady paint her arm very intently! We had a quick tamale snack then danced to some good jazz music. June quickly made friends with some other dancing children and some fun market goers! It was a fun afternoon!

Snow Days A Plenty!

It snowed here in the humble Willamette Valley and we were graced with a whole 4" and it started around 11pm on Sunday night and June got to see it start and was very VERY excited about the snow. In the morning when we awoke she popped right up and looked out the window and squealed with excited over the snow! We didn't get to eat breakfast before we got dressed in our snow clothes and were headed outside. June being the goof she is though would not keep her mittens on and after about 15 minutes of snow to hand contact she was crying over the fact that her hands were frozen. We came inside and ate oatmeal and once her hands were warmed she was insistent that we go back outside and play. Silly girl!

Christmas Has Come To Our Home

We went and saw Santa last night. June was a little less than thrilled with him. We are going to try again later this week after visiting him a few times. We bought our tree and decorations today and it is all set up. Community Tissue Services sent us two heart ornaments and you can see them on the tree. We are going to get a few more special ornaments here and there before Christmas. We bought one of Junes presents today and are getting the other one tomorrow. I still need to wrap them though. I need to buy her stocking stuffing still.

We Buried Casey Today

At 1:30pm we laid her down to rest in her final spot. I realize the her soul is in heaven and it was just her physical being but it was so hard to handle today. I had to make sure she was okay in her coffin after the ride up so I knew she was perfect. Then the people placing her in the ground moved the casket weird and I had to check again before they finally placed her in the ground. I feel as though I am slightly going crazy. It was just really hard realizing that She would have been three weeks old today but instead we buried her.

Casey's Letter From Me

This is the letter I wrote to Casey and read at her funeral. It isn't word for word what I actually spoke but mostly. Please keep in mind that this letter was meant to be read aloud so it isn't formatted.


Dearest Casey,

I want you to know how much agony is inside my heart and will be there for evermore because it will never know who you were past a mere three days of life. You have done more in your life time then most could do with two. You have given life to others, caused many to come together and rejoice as well as do things in your name and most of all you have received love from me. I wish I could say I had known someone like you before but you are the first and most likely the last. You are a magnificent soul that was never allowed to speak. If you had, what would you have said to the world? What would you sound like? Would it have been profound? Or would you have been a jokester like your big sister Juniper? What games would you have played? What shoe type would you obsess over? What shape would you draw over and over again, circle or square? Would you go to bed early or stay up late? I want to know the answers. I NEED to know the answers, why. Just why? This pregnancy was not expected or accepted kindly at first; in fact I was terrified and angry. Neither your Dad nor I knew what to do. As the weeks progressed on and I got to know you more as you began to grow inside me the more excited I became to know you out here in the world. I only knew you and your ways inside me and then you began to move so strong and stubbornly. You let me and anyone who touched my stomach that you needed your space and that my body was yours. I finally knew what it meant to enjoy a pregnancy. You refused to come before you were ready no matter what your Dad and I tried labor would not come. When labor began we were so anxious to meet this person that had grown inside of me; then it became too much for me to handle on my own and we went to the hospital. You spent your only three days at the hospital and most of the first two not being held and I am so sorry for that. The last 17 hours of your life you were surrounded in love and received cuddles from your father and I and those precious moments with you will always be in my heart which is so swollen with love for you I can barely concentrate on life which is where the agony comes in. Casey I love you.

-Mom

Home From The Funeral

It was okay. A lot easier than I thought, though it was horribly hard don't get me wrong. THANKS TO ALL OF YOU THAT SENT FLOWERS!!! That meant a lot. Thank god for Colleen she came over today and asked what I was wearing to the funeral and I told her maternity clothes. She told me no and took me over to Target and bought me an outfit. I was so sad and worried to have wear the clothes that I carried her in to the funeral. Everything worked out. I read my letter even though June came up and said hello in the mic in the middle of it which if she hadn't I am not sure I could have finished. We sang Amazing Grace and we were supposed to sing sweet chariot but I seemed to only be able to sing the tune of Amazing Grace and so we sang that again. So we are home and tomorrow we are burying her next to my grandma.

Thanks to all the support and prayers from everyone up till now we really appreciate it. I know that we will never be done grieving but it is nice to know you all are here.

I Wrote My Letter To Casey For The Funeral

I had been debating on whether I would I write a letter to Casey for the funeral and then tonight well last night I was unable to go to bed. As I set up awake and thinking I decided to write and just see what comes. Well I wrote and cried and wrote some more. I am happy and yet devastated with what I have written. I will post the letter after the funeral here.

Casey Hope Roth's Funeral

Casey's funeral will be held at Musgrove's in Eugene on Wednesday December 10th, 2008 at 5:30pm. There is an optional viewing time from 5:00-5:30pm in which friends and family can view Casey with out any tubes or wires attached, Jon, June and I have seen her and she looks perfect. Her casket will be closed for the entirety of the funeral.

If you would like to come and need directions please contact us and we will let you know the exact address.

Hugs and Love,

Brandy

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Photo's

We got them yesterday and they are wonderful. They are very sad, beautiful and honest. I am so glad we got them before the funeral. I am so grateful for their services. Here is there website which explains what they do and how truly special their organization is; NILMDS

I would also like to say that most of the pictures we have posted both on myspace.com and facebook.com were taken by Shawna who is a great photographer and is who also did our maternity shoot and whom I am very proud to call a friend. Her website is;

myspace.com/shawnablankenship and I would reccomend her services to anyone in Lane County.