Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Casey's Letter From Me

This is the letter I wrote to Casey and read at her funeral. It isn't word for word what I actually spoke but mostly. Please keep in mind that this letter was meant to be read aloud so it isn't formatted.

Dearest Casey,

I want you to know how much agony is inside my heart and will be there for evermore because it will never know who you were past a mere three days of life. You have done more in your life time then most could do with two. You have given life to others, caused many to come together and rejoice as well as do things in your name and most of all you have received love from me. I wish I could say I had known someone like you before but you are the first and most likely the last. You are a magnificent soul that was never allowed to speak. If you had, what would you have said to the world? What would you sound like? Would it have been profound? Or would you have been a jokester like your big sister Juniper? What games would you have played? What shoe type would you obsess over? What shape would you draw over and over again, circle or square? Would you go to bed early or stay up late? I want to know the answers. I NEED to know the answers, why. Just why? This pregnancy was not expected or accepted kindly at first; in fact I was terrified and angry. Neither your Dad nor I knew what to do. As the weeks progressed on and I got to know you more as you began to grow inside me the more excited I became to know you out here in the world. I only knew you and your ways inside me and then you began to move so strong and stubbornly. You let me and anyone who touched my stomach that you needed your space and that my body was yours. I finally knew what it meant to enjoy a pregnancy. You refused to come before you were ready no matter what your Dad and I tried labor would not come. When labor began we were so anxious to meet this person that had grown inside of me; then it became too much for me to handle on my own and we went to the hospital. You spent your only three days at the hospital and most of the first two not being held and I am so sorry for that. The last 17 hours of your life you were surrounded in love and received cuddles from your father and I and those precious moments with you will always be in my heart which is so swollen with love for you I can barely concentrate on life which is where the agony comes in. Casey I love you.


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