New Years Eve Plans

I am so excited about tonight. I am going over to Shawna's house for dinner and wine. The kids will play and have fun! I hope all your New Years plans go off with out a hitch!

Here's to 2009 being a MUCH MUCH better year!

I Am Now Protected For 10 Years

I got the Paragard IUD today from the OB. It protects against pregnancy for 10 years. It was quite an experience.

My New Years Commitment

I never follow through with any resolutions I make so this year I am making myself commitments. I am committing to myself this year. I would like to learn how to adequately skate so I can participate with June. We went skating again this Sunday even though Juniper was with Novena(Jon's mom) overnight. We are going to go every Sunday as a family for a fun activity. I by the way suck at skating and that is why I hope to improve it! I would also like to start sewing stuff again.


So I am committing to these items and I am quite excited!

Christmas At Mimi's House

We drove up to my mother-in-law's house and had Christmas up there. It was really nice and I got possibly the sweetest card from my brother-in-law ever, it was really touching and I think that trumped all other presents I received this year. June got some really neat homemade items from grandma or Mimi as she is called. Novena made Juniper another skirt and a pair of leg warmers both of which came with a matching set for her dolls. SO CUTE! June also got a tutu that she made along with a book and some diapers for dolls! She had everything on all at once and I know these will be worth something when she 16 and dating!

Christmas Morning

What a fun morning it was! We woke up and all three of us put on our pajamas special for Christmas. We came out sat down and June got to get all her stocking stuffers and then we opened up gifts. She had a blast opening her gifts. We then had a nice ham and egg breakfast and played with all of Juniper's new toys. We declared a TV free morning! It was really fun to play and dance with Jon and June all day! I was an unexpectedly happy and great Christmas! June said she wanted to sleep in her bed since she was playing in it. She slept in her bed until 8am when she back into bed with us

Sign the petition!

My Mom Brought Over Her Presents Today!

My Mom and Tracy brought Juniper's gifts over and she opened them up. She got a matching set of princess towels, rags, a plate and pajamas. She also got a poodle purse and a set of mega blocks. Juniper absolutely adores her blocks. She played almost for an hour by herself with their blocks. My mom also brought a stocking and some other stuff for tomorrow.

Happy December 23rd!

Today was nice but hard all the same. The morning was nice and June and I went to Story Time at the Eugene Library with our friend Shawna and her kids. That was a blast and I think that we will be continuing with it. :D Then Jon got off work and Colleen brought by cookies and wished us a Merry Christmas. We drove up to Brownsville and went to see Casey. That was really hard having to leave her there even though we obviously can't bring her home with us it is just I guess I wish it hadn't happened you know? Then we drove on over to my Grandpa's house. We hung out and talked while we ate dinner. Then we told them about continuing the 23rd present tradition and gave June her little present. It was quite fun and I can't wait till Christmas morning. Turns out though she enjoyed some "big bubble" bubble wrap and we got it on video! We stayed until almost 9 pm and Juniper was out before we has left Brownsville. It was a good day.

Tomorrow Will Be Bittersweet!

Tomorrow 12/23 will be interestingly bittersweet. As you know my grandma passed away in July and now Casey passed. They are buried right next to each other. Tomorrow is my Grandparents anniversary and my grandfathers first with out her. When I was little I was always at their house for Christmas and was too young to understand why they got gifts and I didn't so it became a tradition that continued until I was 16 in which I got one present on the 23rd. So we are continuing this tradition with Juniper and we haven't told my Grandpa yet about it but I know he will be happy about it. We are also going to visit Casey at her graveside. So tomorrow will be full of mixed emotions.

So We Went Skating!

We went over to our friend Jenell's house for dinner and then her and two nephews and us went to Skateworld to skate! It was really fun, I still suck but that is okay! June took a little bit to get the hang of it but after about an hour June was practically ready to skate on her own! We are going to do this more often!

The Holiday Market Adventure!

Today we went to the Holiday Market and it is the second to last day of the year. Jon's mom has a booth so we stopped by and said hello. We wandered and found some dairy-free chocolate for Junipers' stocking and we sampled it, it was yummy! June also got a butterfly arm painting done. She held very still and was watching the lady paint her arm very intently! We had a quick tamale snack then danced to some good jazz music. June quickly made friends with some other dancing children and some fun market goers! It was a fun afternoon!

Snow Days A Plenty!

It snowed here in the humble Willamette Valley and we were graced with a whole 4" and it started around 11pm on Sunday night and June got to see it start and was very VERY excited about the snow. In the morning when we awoke she popped right up and looked out the window and squealed with excited over the snow! We didn't get to eat breakfast before we got dressed in our snow clothes and were headed outside. June being the goof she is though would not keep her mittens on and after about 15 minutes of snow to hand contact she was crying over the fact that her hands were frozen. We came inside and ate oatmeal and once her hands were warmed she was insistent that we go back outside and play. Silly girl!

Christmas Has Come To Our Home

We went and saw Santa last night. June was a little less than thrilled with him. We are going to try again later this week after visiting him a few times. We bought our tree and decorations today and it is all set up. Community Tissue Services sent us two heart ornaments and you can see them on the tree. We are going to get a few more special ornaments here and there before Christmas. We bought one of Junes presents today and are getting the other one tomorrow. I still need to wrap them though. I need to buy her stocking stuffing still.

We Buried Casey Today

At 1:30pm we laid her down to rest in her final spot. I realize the her soul is in heaven and it was just her physical being but it was so hard to handle today. I had to make sure she was okay in her coffin after the ride up so I knew she was perfect. Then the people placing her in the ground moved the casket weird and I had to check again before they finally placed her in the ground. I feel as though I am slightly going crazy. It was just really hard realizing that She would have been three weeks old today but instead we buried her.

Casey's Letter From Me

This is the letter I wrote to Casey and read at her funeral. It isn't word for word what I actually spoke but mostly. Please keep in mind that this letter was meant to be read aloud so it isn't formatted.


Dearest Casey,

I want you to know how much agony is inside my heart and will be there for evermore because it will never know who you were past a mere three days of life. You have done more in your life time then most could do with two. You have given life to others, caused many to come together and rejoice as well as do things in your name and most of all you have received love from me. I wish I could say I had known someone like you before but you are the first and most likely the last. You are a magnificent soul that was never allowed to speak. If you had, what would you have said to the world? What would you sound like? Would it have been profound? Or would you have been a jokester like your big sister Juniper? What games would you have played? What shoe type would you obsess over? What shape would you draw over and over again, circle or square? Would you go to bed early or stay up late? I want to know the answers. I NEED to know the answers, why. Just why? This pregnancy was not expected or accepted kindly at first; in fact I was terrified and angry. Neither your Dad nor I knew what to do. As the weeks progressed on and I got to know you more as you began to grow inside me the more excited I became to know you out here in the world. I only knew you and your ways inside me and then you began to move so strong and stubbornly. You let me and anyone who touched my stomach that you needed your space and that my body was yours. I finally knew what it meant to enjoy a pregnancy. You refused to come before you were ready no matter what your Dad and I tried labor would not come. When labor began we were so anxious to meet this person that had grown inside of me; then it became too much for me to handle on my own and we went to the hospital. You spent your only three days at the hospital and most of the first two not being held and I am so sorry for that. The last 17 hours of your life you were surrounded in love and received cuddles from your father and I and those precious moments with you will always be in my heart which is so swollen with love for you I can barely concentrate on life which is where the agony comes in. Casey I love you.

-Mom

Home From The Funeral

It was okay. A lot easier than I thought, though it was horribly hard don't get me wrong. THANKS TO ALL OF YOU THAT SENT FLOWERS!!! That meant a lot. Thank god for Colleen she came over today and asked what I was wearing to the funeral and I told her maternity clothes. She told me no and took me over to Target and bought me an outfit. I was so sad and worried to have wear the clothes that I carried her in to the funeral. Everything worked out. I read my letter even though June came up and said hello in the mic in the middle of it which if she hadn't I am not sure I could have finished. We sang Amazing Grace and we were supposed to sing sweet chariot but I seemed to only be able to sing the tune of Amazing Grace and so we sang that again. So we are home and tomorrow we are burying her next to my grandma.

Thanks to all the support and prayers from everyone up till now we really appreciate it. I know that we will never be done grieving but it is nice to know you all are here.

I Wrote My Letter To Casey For The Funeral

I had been debating on whether I would I write a letter to Casey for the funeral and then tonight well last night I was unable to go to bed. As I set up awake and thinking I decided to write and just see what comes. Well I wrote and cried and wrote some more. I am happy and yet devastated with what I have written. I will post the letter after the funeral here.

Casey Hope Roth's Funeral

Casey's funeral will be held at Musgrove's in Eugene on Wednesday December 10th, 2008 at 5:30pm. There is an optional viewing time from 5:00-5:30pm in which friends and family can view Casey with out any tubes or wires attached, Jon, June and I have seen her and she looks perfect. Her casket will be closed for the entirety of the funeral.

If you would like to come and need directions please contact us and we will let you know the exact address.

Hugs and Love,

Brandy

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Photo's

We got them yesterday and they are wonderful. They are very sad, beautiful and honest. I am so glad we got them before the funeral. I am so grateful for their services. Here is there website which explains what they do and how truly special their organization is; NILMDS

I would also like to say that most of the pictures we have posted both on myspace.com and facebook.com were taken by Shawna who is a great photographer and is who also did our maternity shoot and whom I am very proud to call a friend. Her website is;

myspace.com/shawnablankenship and I would reccomend her services to anyone in Lane County.

OMG I SLEPT!

June passed out at 8:30 thanks to the dance party/play date that lasted 1.5 hours last night. So Jon and I went to bed at (gasp) 11! I feel right asleep woke up at 1 to pee and take my vicodin and then again at 5 and then went back to sleep right away. It has been months since I have gotten more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep even at the hospital I just couldn't sleep. I slept for over 7 overs. I feel so rested it is amazing. My uterus area still hurts a little but not like it did yay for antibiotics and being able to take my vicodin every 4 hours instead of 6.

I just thought I would share because I needed this so much. Colleen is coming over this morning to bring food and just hang out and "pamper me" cause I am all infected. Then at 2pm Jon is driving us up to my Grandpa's house to watch the Civil War game and my Dad is making a big dinner and Jon gets to relax while fixing Grandpa's computer!

June is STILL sleeping and so is Jon so I am going to take a shower, wash my hair then eat breakfast. It feels wierd to be excited about a normal day BUT it is a good day!

Uterine Infection

So now I have two infections one in my uterus and one vaginally. I am on two different types of antibiotics so that should help. It just seems like I am getting handed crap over and over.

MYSPACE

I have posted all the pictures from the hospital; NICU, Baptisim and when she was in the room with us warming. There are no post-mortum pictures. If you are not on my myspace and would like to be added please request me as a friend.

My myspace www.myspace.com/brandyroth

It will ask for my last name.

The pictures are set to friends only so you have to be my friend to view.

Casey Hope Roth

I am sorry I didn't post this information sooner but I have had a lot on my mind. Casey passed away at 11:10am Sunday the 23rd and was pronounced at 11:15am. She took her last breath in Jon's arms and her heart stopped beating in mine. It was the way it should have happened peaceful and with us. All four of her heart valves were donated and as far as we know are all now in there intended recipients. It is an amazing gift that she was able to give and it is peaceful to know that Jon and I created her to do this. We are at home now and welcome anyone who wants to stop by. We are planning her funeral for sometime the week of December 8th and we will be posting more information as it is planned.

Baby Update

I am so heartbroken over what has happened over the last 48 hours. Casey Hope Roth was born at 1:24am on November 20th, 2008 she weighed 9lbs 2oz and was 22 inches long. I will post her birth story another time but she was born by a very necessary quick emergency C-section. After she was born it tool 10-15 minutes to resuscitate her which included intabating and shocking her heart. We were told she had a 0-5% chance of surviving. We got to see her and she is perfect other than the wires and the tubes. So then on the 20th we had a NICU MD come to our room and talk to us. Colleen MW was in the room with us. The MD stated that she was improving and doing great that she would be in the NICU for about two months or slightly longer to do heart surgery after she got out of there. We were confused but elated about only being here two months and the baby would live. Then the morning of the 21st we walked down to the NICU and her NICU MD the one we had seen originally was there and so we asked what was up with her bleeding in the brain and what kind of surgery would be done on Casey. Her NICU MD was quite confused and said that was the baby up the hall not ours. Casey was still brain dead and not responding to any kind of stimuli. So today at 11am PST we are getting her baptized and the Rite of Passage done. Shawna is going to take pictures. We are then taking her off the cooling system to see what happens. She will either pass like that or if she shows distress we are taking her off of everything and bring her into our room to pass with just Jon and I present. I have been put on Zoloft and Xanax and it is going to be a big long road that Jon and I are not wanting to travel down but are. I have AT&T so feel free to text and call me as I am really in s dark place and need all the support I can get, I love you all..... Brandy

Labor Update #5

So we(MW and I) had a sneaking suspicion that my waters was not really broken, we did the nitrate paper and sure enough it wasn't. She tried two more times about an hour ago and the sac is too close to the babes head to get a hold of it and break it. I have magically sunk back to two centimeters from four. I am almost out of time. She will let me go until 43 weeks and that is it. She originally said 44 but when she said it it slipped her mind that I am a VBAC which she won't go past 43. So we are trying caster oil tonight and I am aware of the hell that it is. I am going to take 6oz. of caster oil with 6oz. of orange juice and take it in two 6oz. groups right after each other. To top off bad news while she was trying to break the waters the dog ate my dinner because I was stupid and left it on the ground. So I am getting my fave thai dish eating that and then around 10pm will do the caster oil. I am still contracting but apparently they mean squat. So that is my update and I don't like it.

Labor Update #4

Colleen just left my water is broken and we are on way to a baby! I may post more as the day goes on but I am not sure. The plan is two more hours of the tincture and then some nipple stimulation. Then two hours of walking, birth ball and what ever sounds good. Then call her to check in at 12:30......... So I am off to have a baby......

Labor Update #3

So I was able to fall asleep and I am now up. My contractions have slowed down a bit back to 7-9 minutes. Colleen will be over to check me about 7:15 and see if breaking my water is appropriate. I had some more mucus with blood this morning. All good signs that labor is definitely here but is taking its sweet little time. I will update after she leaves.......

Labor Update #2

So my contractions are 4-5minutes apart and lasting 55 seconds long. Talked to Colleen and she says I am definitely in labor just waiting for the intensity to pick up. I can still slightly talk coherently through them and when I can only grunt or mumble she will come over. I am to rest and do what feels natural. If I haven't gone into active labor by morning she will come over and my water will be no more but at the moment it seems unnecessary so we are just letting labor happen on it's own.

Labor Update

I am still contracting 8-9 minutes apart but they are definitely getting more intense. I spoke with Colleen and we decided on a 2 hour break from the tincture then start again and call her at 10pm. If I think I can sleep or rest some we will break my water @ 7am if my contractions are intense and I do not believe I can get some rest she will come over tonight and break my waters. So hopefully by Wednesday we should have a baby. I will update when I can. I am off to go cook dinner and such.

MW Appointment

Swept my membranes again and gave me some tincture to help augment labor. I feel good with this decision. I am 4 and gooey and she said if I am still contraction but spaced out we could break my water tonight and then I would have 48 hours to hit full blown labor not have the baby though she said baby would most likely be out. She is happy with babys HB during the contractions so all is well and hopefully I will have a baby soon! Jon is coming home from work! YAY!

42 Week Appointment

MW just left and all is well. My BP is up 130/82 which she says happens a lot right before the baby is born. Casey's HB was 144. I had her check me I was at a very gooey and loose 2 so I consented to having my membranes swept. It was actually very pleasant. There was a lot, A LOT, of pressure but it was helpful to practice my breathing techniques. Colleen said I was very stretchy and receptive. I got stretched all the way to a 4 and she said I would probably float back down to a gooey 3. She also got some blood so all great signs. Casey is posterior again but a very even posterior so Colleen said as soon as I get some good contractions Casey should turn to an anterior position. I am going for a nice long walk to get lunch with Jon and hobble with my foot on the curb. Then after lunch it is carpet shampooing time.

40 Week MW Appointment!

So she thinks baby is no longer posterior and is just working its way down. I am pretty sure it is girl now btw but will be pleasantly surprised if it is boy too. My BP was 122/70 which is high for me but perfectly normal MW wasn't concerned. Babys' HB was 145 and I am still measuring 42 weeks so the no sugar thing is working and also Colleen said that is a good sign that baby is moving down too! Good overall appt. June was a pill because she should be sleeping and is currently just sitting next me zoning out on a book.
My next appt. is Monday @ 1 and she thinks it will be a post partum visit. I am not so inclined to jump on that band wagon. I am just going to enjoy the last few moments of my pregnancy where Casey is all safe and cuddled in my womb and no harm will come. I am anxious to meet my little babe but Casey will come when it is ready and that is when I will be ready as well. that is is a good mantra and I should repeat that to my self a lot!

Possible Labor

I have been contracting all day and so this maybe it! I am off to bed to try to rest and hoping to wake up in some good labor!

39 Week Appt.

It went great better than last week. My bp 102/06 and pulse was 65 and the babes HB was 137. I am measuring @ 42 weeks same as last week and she is guesstimating the babe will 9lbs and halfish. Which is right where June would have been had I continued being pregnant with her instead of the CS. No bladder issues or anything my urine was great. Went over my diet and that is great. Gave and discussed my birth plan also gave her a breastfeeding mom sign in case of transfer for my door. She thinks I am going to go over my due date which is fine I have no problem with that. I still think Nov. 4th would be great. But Jon wants it this weekend or next friday @ some point. So maybe a 41 week baby is what I need. I feel rather anxious and energized like I should be constantly moving even though I am tired. Also for sleeping she I could pick up some milky oats and/or melatonin to aid in my sleeplessness.

Also some may remember that the baby was in station 0 just chilling out in my pelvis. She is sure the babe is even deeper in there now. She cant really feel the head at all and my stomach is an obviously about 2.5 inches lower! I have also included my last belly picture of the pregnancy.

Ultrasound Today

My ultrasound went well. Jenell a really good friend from highschool went with me as it was too short of notice to get Jon the day off. I got a cute picture of the babes head which is nicely squished in my pelvis. Babe is head down and good to go.

36 Week Appt.

So my start to the day of people was a bit chaotic to say the least. I had written down that Colleen, my MW, would be here at 12:30. I had to pay Shawna for the prints I ordered so I had her stop by with the kids and they played with June for about 10 minutes (apx. time was 11:50) then there was a knock at the door. Well it was my MW apparently she was really supposed to be here @ 12:00 not 12:30. Then my mom and her partner walked in with her 5 year old. So in about 5 minutes my tiny apartment become a hopping party location! Shawna was about to leave anyways so she said her goodbyes and left then we started my appt.

My stats were fine 110/69, hb was 80 and baby's hb was 166. So all is well. She thinks the baby is deeply engaged in my pelvis and we are going to do an US on Friday just to confirm that it is indeed a head because she can't get an accurate feel.

I also got my blood drawn to check on my platelet levels. So hopefully those have gone up.

Pretty uneventful and a good appt

35 Week Mid Wife Appointment

So all is well and her assistants name is Bonnie btw..... She came over a few times but I kept forgetting her name. Anyways I am actually am 34w6d so yeah but you get the idea..... My BP was 107/69 and the babies hb was 140bpm. She guessed the baby is about 5lbs says it feels skinny and she also commented that it has leg for days it will probably be a long one just like June was. The baby is definitely head down and I have dropped. She also said the baby is engaged in my pelvis and the fun pressure on my cervix is the baby rubbing it's head on it. All in all a great appointment. My next appointment is next Wednesday on the 1st, they are all weekly appoinments from here on out!

33 Week Appt

So I was violently ill on Tuesday because I poisoned myself with raw pork, don't ask well I was 95% certain the flipped when I violently puking which made for a quite queasy momma. So anyways back to today......


So my instincts were right and I am now the proud owner of a baby that is head down. Thanks food poisoning! MW thinks it is a boy. June is so active in the appointments that it is cute. June can use the Doppler, she places it on my tummy and pushes the button and says, "hear that?" she actually found the HB today, it was quite cute! I forgot to ask what it was. My BP was 98/54 and pulse was 100 consensus was I am still dehydrated from Tuesday so more water for me. My pee was great except for keytones which she said is common with being dehydrated. Told her I wasn't going to get the Rhogram shot. She gave me some info about testing for GBS and said she has a girl from Sweden and they don't even treat or test GBS there and the US's rates still aren't lower than theirs. I am having her e-mail the link to the study and web pages since I thought some of you may be interested in them.

So yeah I have a bunch of crap to do and only around 7 weeks. That seemed like so long now it isn't looking so long *oops


Anyways great appt.

31 Week Midwife Appointment

I was correct in my assessment of my baby.... It is breech but Colleen, the midwife, said that is fine since I am only 31 weeks and we will start to try to suggest the baby into a new position at like 34 weeks and until then not to stress...... She will deliver a frank breech but not a footling so we are okay there. We aren't drawing my blood this time we are giving it another two weeks and she had me pick up some more vitamins to add to my regiment and I am already taking a drug store...... It is a better liquid food based iron supplement, vitamin K, kelp and some vitamin C added to my five other vitamins but I get to cut out the iron supplement pill. My blood pressure was 110/58 and baby's heart rate was 128 and good and strong. My belly was 34cm and is right on target for growth. June helped out as soon as my belly was out she had the Doppler in her hand to hand off to Colleen. I was kind of shocked June remembered that is what it was for but go June! My Mom and Jon attended this appt. mainly because my Mom really wanted to come to an appt. when I was pregnant with June and I never let her so I felt bad..... But then Jon watched June and my Mom and I went out to lunch at the Olive Garden and ate the never ending pasta bowl. It was yummy and the waitress we had happen to know us and so our last bowl was "accidently" full size so I have yummy left overs in the fridge! All n' all it was a great day and everything is going good.

Home From Arizona

It was great and I am happy to be home and back in Oregon. I had a blast with Juniper and she really enjoyed herself. We ate authentic Mexican food and went to a water park on top of attending Madi's 1st birthday party. I have a bunch of pictures and will post them soon. I have my 31 week midwife appointment on Saturday! Here's to hoping my blood results are better!

Juniper's 18 Month Appointment

June had her 18 month appt. today and all is well. She weighs 22lbs 8oz and is 34 inches long. Her next appointment is her 2 year appt. and I can not believe how fast she is growing up!

Crazy Update!

So I am officially not working now and I am at home FULL-TIME! I am super excited I get to stay home all day with Juniper! So for awhile now I have been saving and planning on going to Phoenix I just wasn't sure when I could or how to arrange it. So now with Jon's new job and everything going so well I am off to AZ on the 22nd of August and will be there until the 27th. I will be 31 weeks along when I return from AZ I am not even sure where time went with this pregnancy. So June and I will be out of the state for five days and it will be a first plane ride for everyone.

I have a midwife appointment on the 28th so I should be updating then if not sooner!

Junipers' Birth Story

After talking with Jon and my mom I have decided I need to write out my story of what happened with Junipers' birth to be completely at one with my self as a whole to deliver this baby properly, so here it is.


I was measuring about a week ahead on the measuring tape for about 6 weeks now. So at 36 weeks my OB decided I maybe carrying a big baby and asked if I would like another ultrasound I of course was excited to see the pictures as I knew the office had a 3D/4D US machine! So the day of the US I was 36wk 3days and according to her femur length and other measurements she was already aprx. 9.5lbs. My OB said I could deliver if my body went into labor before 39 weeks. I began having contractions, not bad at all, continuous and got my dilated to 2 centimeters and then stopped. This was the 38th week of my pregnancy. On that Friday my OB said unfortunately if I did not go into labor that weekend I would have a c-section scheduled for Monday morning, I would be 38wk 6days.

The weekend came and went and it was 5:30am and time to get up and go to the hospital. I arrived @ 6am with Jon and got my IV and BP checked and everything was perfect. I was supposed to go in @ 7:30am but because of an emergency CS I was wheeled in @ 8am. Jon was not allowed back in the OR with me at first and that was horrid my support for the last nine months was gone when I needed him most. The anesthesiologist came in to do my spinal and I was so afraid of anything going into my back let alone anywhere near my spine. So I had asked him prior to entering the OR if he could explain the whole procedure as he preformed as it would ease my fears since my husband couldn't. I remind him of this in the OR and he agrees he says I am going to insert the needle now and my right leg jerked and went numb instantly I freaked as I thought he had paralyzed me. I said through crying my right leg is numb and he responded, "Is that all? Let me try inserting the needle again." No warning this time and my left leg jerked and went numb. My OB walked in at this point and I was sobbing almost hyperventilating because I was so scared by not knowing what was going on with my body. It seemed so foreign to me. My OB quickly told me that was all normal and he ran to get to tell a RN to get Jon. I had calmed by the time Jon entered the room. I was now strapped down on a cross like Jesus, I swear I felt I was being crucified. When I saw Jon I started crying again because I felt so violated and the surgery hadn't even started yet.

Then started my surgery and 7 minutes later my baby was born, both prior ultrasounds suggested girl but inconclusive. They whisked the baby away and as Jon and I had discussed he went with the baby. I asked my OB if it were indeed a girl and the attending OB and my OB both forgot to look. So I had to wait a bit for Jon to come out holding the baby before it was confirmed that Juniper was indeed a girl. She was healthy and average at 8lbs 4.6ozs and 21" long. After I was sewn and stapled up I was sent to the recovery room where they had Juniper screaming and I couldn't hold her. I am still not sure of why.

After about 40 minutes after being in the recovery room I began feeling real intense pain in spite of the fentanyl pump I was hooked up to and kept pushing the button for medication. I kept complaining to my two RN's that I was in pain and they kept saying I was just experiencing the spinal wearing off. They gave me two bolsters of medication in this time to help ease my pain and they did nothing. So after an hour and half after my surgery I was screaming in pain and couldn't handle it any longer one of the Rn's finally checked my fentanyl pump to discover it wasn't working the whole time. So after one and half hours after major abdominal surgery I had only received two minor doses of medication that touched absolutely none of my pain. By the time they realized it I had to be hooked to a constant and push at will morphine pump and receive a huge dose to get me down to a 6/10 on the pain scale. The RN's decided that since it had been nearly two hours since my surgery I should probably breastfeed since I refused to let them give her formula.

After another 2 hours in recovery and having June at my breast for that entire time I was moved to a hospital room. I had visitors off and on the rest of the day but was mentally and physically exhausted from the pain. Luckily Juniper was a superb nurser an my milk came in on my second day of nursing.

So that is it. That is why I hate CS's I am glad they here when they are medically necessary but mine was not. I took probably an hour to write this because I kept crying but I do feel better. Thanks.

Midwife Appointment Today and Mini Update

I had another midwife appointment today and it went well. I got my blood drawn for a random glucose test and as long as that comes back fine I am done with diabetes testing! I am measuring fine and babies heart beat this time 145 per minute. I got to meet her birthing assistant and she is super nice and Juniper liked to share her pretend food with her. I am referring to her as a her as I seem to have forgotten her name. My blood pressure, pulse and urine stick came back great.

So this was my last month appointment. I will see her again in three weeks and then every two weeks then every week. Then hopefully I will have a baby! I am almost 28 weeks. My due date is October 31st but because there is a 2 week window either way I can go in to labor in 10-14 weeks! That is insane!

Mini-update: I am only working two days a week now which seems so strange to work that little. So I am not sure when I will be done with work completely but will be before the baby comes! I bought new cloth diapers which was fun and we will be buying an ergo next week at some point!

RME

Is great if you are interested let me know and I will send you an e-mail!

My Days of Working are Coming to an End Soon!

I am now down to four days a week and by the end of August I will be down to three days and then be done at the end of September be done completely! I will then be ready to have the baby and get the house in order. I will then be a SAHM! I am so freaking excited about staying home with my children. Then in January I will attend school part-time and finish up my schooling. Jon will be home at night so no more baby sitters! i am just really happy in my life!

Midwife Appt.

So I had my Midwife appt. on the 10th of July and things were great. We talked about my diet and such, I still need more protein in my life. My BP was 110/60 a little bit high for me but completely normal. She was able to hear the heartbeat finally it was 160 bpm. At my last appt. she couldn't find the HB because my darling little spaz was kicking the heck out of the doppler and wouldn't stop, lol. She felt the baby and it is nicely in my pelvis head down, which means it feels like it is going to fall out of my, well you know. Everything baby wise is great and then I had to pee in a cup to check my levels and I of course have a very slight UTI and need to drink more fluids. Other than that I got a good bill of health for me and the baby. My midwife suggested I go get straight cranberry juice from Trader Joe's and drink it. Oh my goodness, don't ever drink it. It is vile. I have to pick up some other juice to mix it with, because it is just too tart to drink on its own. Oh my baby shower is being rescheduled for the 23rd of August because of my Grandmothers' passing and everything that went into it. I will hopefully be posting more stuff soon!

Jon Got a New Job!!!

I am so happy and proud for him! We are nearly tripling our income and this couldn't come at a more perfect time. He starts the 7th of July at Symantec! Not only is the money better but the insurance kicks ass! I can see a chiropractor for 4.50$ a visit, how cool is that. I am now 22 weeks pregnant and starting to enjoy it more. We are planning a home birth and are seeing a midwife. All is good right now and is going to continue to get better!

Welcome To Our Blog!

I am excited to start to this journey with you all and will keep you all updated to the progress of my pregnancy, Juniper's journey through life and Jon's stuff too! It is a great way to keep connected to family and friends who can't be around all the time!